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there. is. so. much. to talk aboutt n i just got to share it with the world i feel like i had so much to say earlier but i think i sung out all of my need for expression, i can truly sing for hours upon hours days go by so quickly ever since i met you... is this what feeling happy feels like? cus i can get used to it! things have been manifesting and i'm so grateful. positive things. someone out there is looking out for me, looking down at me, sweetly with their mercy. i just know it. the more i go through life the more i realize... it's not about what i have... it's about what i can achieve. watch what i can do... i've been trying CBT on myself because i can't afford therapy. it's actually been helping. they really didn't lie when they said research suggests cognitive behavioral therapy can greatly benefit mental disorders huh? at least, it's really helping with my body dysmorphia, which i've had for yearssss, i've only done one module, there's more, and wow, it's amazing, i feel amazing, i feel more content, i see myself in a different way entirely now, and i can't believe how disordered my thinking really was, until i finally learned, the right way... i got braces in july and i'm so happy and grateful for it!!!!!!!!!! i wished for this for years of my life! i went shopping today. i got these really cute candles. kitty ears shown in the picture you clicked on to see this page. and a cute lil halloween / pumpkin teddy bear!!! i cant wait to share it with everyone i will upload pictures sometime i feel a bit too lazy to do it at the moment now but i will do it!!! i still need to work on my messy room, my messy habits. but i truly believe the main things getting in the way was 1. body dysmorhpia was taking over my life, 2. i feel like i have no energy, all the timeeeee.... it SUCKS SO BAD butttt. i am currently sleep deprived. and i just came to revelation... i really do feel ALIVE when i dont sleep. + coffee... but i rlly think its the sleep deprivation. its the only time. i feel so alert, focused, creative, dreamy... no wonder albert einstein never fucking slept. i mean this feels euphoric. can i just stay awake forever? and keep elevating? but i know thats not possible... yet i still dream <3 i want to send you the letter already......... wow, anyways who wants to be friends ??? despite some of my rants or dramatic writing i swear im sweet.... i love astrology!!! i know a lot about it!!! i enjoy the strokes, the voidz, julian casablancas, gorillaz, grimes, kali uchis, joy divison, magazine!! i also enjoy minecraft and animal crossing! im 18 and i am BLOOMING AND GROWING!!! LETS TALK!! let me read u or whatever! can i just sayyy coffee is the best thing that has come along with this game called "life"? im pretty sure we can all agree on this... i need to finish that test. i will then get a job. i will also apply to college. before i met you, i was simpy lost. after i met you, everything started to make sense..
i have much love you have no idea i need to cleannn please,lets just move forward yeah baby this has been a poetic experience + journal entry all in one for once in a lifetime i feel alive, or so it seems..... maybe ive felt this before, maybe this is just once more... i hope everyone is doing mighty wonderful let us allow us to do our very best... it is simply what we must. <3 L |
